Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I am 21 yrs old this year. Living with my parents and 2 sisters. For the first 12 years, I lived alongside my grandmother, 2 aunties. My life has been considered quite happy. I remember that I can play as much as I want, scold vulgarities as much as I want and play pranks as much as I want. A life of freedom. Its true, i will not be able to reach where I am now if I continued staying with my grandmother; probably I am some gangster by now, but I must say at least I am happy because my grandmother cares deeply for me, elder aunt too. I admit I hated my parents for "throwing" me aside. Why is it that my friend's parents can take care of their children while my parents are totally just off the hook? I asked myself countless times during those days. As I grew up, I learnt to understand and speak less. However I couldn't bring myself to close one eye on it. So after 12 years, they decided to take me back home and take care of me. I was naive. I thought that they are finally missing me. however, I was never more than wrong to believe in that. One day, when i was in JC2, my mother and I had a tiff over something trivial, but she couldn't control, she keep hitting me, called me a useless bum, saying that I am a worthless fat piece of junk that sucks up our family's fund. Wow! I had never heard anything more hurtful than this. yes, I cried alone in the room. Since then i knew, I had a bad mother. she told me, she brought me back to train me for so long, I am still like that. What caught my mind was the word : train. To me, this word is usually a relationship between workers and employers, maid and masters and etc. I was shocked that my mother said that. in the next sentence she said she wasted all the money raising me. my question was, would a mother tell her own son that she trained him to be useful and cunning enough to earn money to repay them? technically, I believe that the society's family sense of belonging has this mentality that filial piety is no.1. So, I began asking myself, technically yes, thats the blunt way we put it, that we grow up to repay them. But the underlying chemistry should have been loving tender care and concern isn't it? Why am I just not receiving it? Today, we can actually quarrel over such trivial stuff such as DINNER. WTF? FML. She dotes on my 2 sisters alot. Okay, its a given that usually, daughters are closer to mum while sons are closer to dads. Haha, i am afraid I don't share the same relation. pretty wrecked up huh? my family? Had enough of it! I am going to tell myself, I hate my mother. I HATE YOU!
Burning Hot** 4:30 AM
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